Impact of Two Little Words
Early in my career I was certified to deliver a communications skills course. The course had two main focuses – the use of “I” statements and the power of swapping out the word “but” and replacing that with “yes and”. I have to say, at that stage in my career both were almost life changing, especially “yes and”.
I think “but” had been my favorite word for such a long time I didn’t realize how much I was using it. The insertion of the “yes, and” began to allow me to see that two different ideas could both be valuable and true, and, even more powerful when leveraged together.
Building on Ideas
Fast forward to today and the “yes and” positioning is something I rely on every day in my client consulting to ensure I am acknowledging the pieces of what someone said I do agree with and having a simple way to build on where we agree with an additional perspective.
- Firstly, you must listen to what is being said in order to know which part you agree with.
- Secondly, it leads to the building of ideas so that everyone has ownership to the outcome.
It ensures everyone is feeling heard and that when the “final decision” comes together it will likely be made up many parts and pieces of the ideas that came from the team working together vs from an individual team member – people feel more bought in. Yes, this may take more time up front, and in my experience the time spent on the front end will save a great amount to time, and likely money, on the back end.
Brain Curiosity
“Yes and “also has another great benefit for your brain and the brains of everyone participating. In the Book “The Yes Brain”, written by Dan Siegel, he speaks to the different areas of the bran that are activated when told “no” vs “yes”. The more the brain hears “yes” (even if it is not to the full idea), the brain becomes more curious as to what else is possible and helps which helps build resiliency knowing there are always other options.
“Yes and “also has another great benefit for your brain and the brains of everyone participating. In the Book “The Yes Brain”, written by Dan Siegel, he speaks to the different areas of the bran that are activated when told “no” vs “yes”. The more the brain hears “yes” (even if it is not to the full idea), the brain becomes more curious as to what else is possible and helps which helps build resiliency knowing there are always other options.
Your Challenge
So, at home or at work…be conscious of the “but” in your thinking and responses. It might sound something like:
Next time you are in a discussion, and someone offers an idea where you may only like part of their idea, respond with:
“Yes, I liked it when you said “x” and when we did that, we could…”
You don’t even have to address what you don’t agree with, saving the time and space in talking about elements of an idea that we are not going to agree upon. Rather, the time is spent on building toward a solution that is much more likely to have more widespread agreement. Try it out the next time you are in a meeting, setting it as a guideline for brainstorm sessions, when interviewing a potential new employee – what are the reasons why you would hire the person vs would not, figuring out a theme for a party, etc. The applications are endless.
Summary
So I leave you with “Yes, and” two simple words which can make a profound difference in helping all of us get to better results.
